


Mr. Fix-It

by Aelia_Gioia



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Capable!David, DIY, David is handy, M/M, Patrick gets frustrated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:02:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21833062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aelia_Gioia/pseuds/Aelia_Gioia
Summary: When Patrick can't figure out a plumbing problem at the store, the least likely person steps up to handle it.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 57
Kudos: 117
Collections: Schitt's Creek Open Fic Night 2.0





	Mr. Fix-It

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thegrayness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegrayness/gifts).

“Ugh, what the flying fuh…”

David was cashing out a customer one miserable, rainy afternoon when Patrick’s voice wafted loud and clear from the store’s washroom. The middle-aged female customer looked over her shoulder and then back at him. 

“Sounds like someone had one of those smoothies from the Café,” she joked. 

David laughed. “No, he knows better than that.”

_Wait, does Patrick know better than that?_ He thought to himself, feeling a rush of panic in his own stomach.

“Gosh darn this stupid flippin’ thing…” They heard the metallic sound of a tool hitting the tiled floor and David grit his teeth.

“Good luck,” the woman winked at him and took her reusable tote bag from the counter. They waved at each other before she left. David waited for her to be out of sight before his Customer Service Smile was chased from his lips and replaced by the 'what in the actual fuck' expression that had been clawing at him to get through.

He speed walked, navigating around the display tables to the washroom and tried the knob. He found it locked and decided to knock.

“Patrick?”

“Yes?”

“Everything ok?”

He heard Patrick moving behind the door and heard the lock pop open. He took a hesitant breath before he opened it halfway.

“Shit…” His eyes opened wide.

Patrick had the taken top of the toilet tank off and spread out on the floor there were a few pieces of metal and plastic which David didn’t recognize but he was sure they belonged inside the toilet, not out where anyone could see them. 

“Do you need me for something?” Patrick’s face was glistening with sweat and red with frustration. He wiped his forehead on his arm, his shirtsleeves were rolled up higher than usual.

“Just checking on you, I guess,” David said from the doorway. “I heard you doing your ‘swearing but not swearing’ thing.”

“My what?” Patrick sat on the washroom floor and stared at the wet pieces he’d removed from the toilet tank.

“You know. The ‘consarn it, firetruck, sugar cubes’ thing,” David smiled fondly. It’s not that Patrick didn‘t swear, he just saved the curse words for very specific occasions. 

He rolled his eyes and a small smile tugged at one corner of his lips. “Not now, David.”

“It’s cute.”

"Thanks." Patrick looked back down.

"What' going on?” David took a step towards him but kept a keen eye on the floor, watching out for where he stepped. He'd never wear anything called an _eau di toilette_ and particularly didn’t want any on his shoes.

“Haven’t you noticed this toilet has been running almost non-stop?” Patrick didn’t look at him as he spoke. He continued looking at the pieces as if he only needed to study them closely enough and the cause of the problem would jump out at him.

David shook his head. “I try my utmost best to think about toilets as little as possible.”

Patrick groaned. “I don’t know how to fix this and it’s driving me fudging nuts.” Realizing what he’d just said, he smiled a little and pointed at David. 

“Don’t say it.” He laughed in spite of himself.

David rolled his lips inward and mimed pulling a zipper closed across his mouth.

“Why don’t you call Ronnie? She’ll probably know what to do. Or at least she’ll know somebody who knows what to do…” David offered.

Patrick sat back on his heels. “Oh yeah,” he said sarcastically. “I’m sure Ronnie’ll run right over to help out. In a month or two, when the water bill is in the thousands.” 

His sarcasm wasn’t aimed at David; it was self-directed. If he’d only managed to be patient when Ronnie was renovating the washroom in the first place, she might actually be willing to come by and help. Knowing very well that there was still acrimony against him on Ronnie’s part, she’d be the last person Patrick would call.

“I’m very concerned that it’s sediment in the pipes – that’s going to be a very expensive fix. We’ll have to break up the floor and replace everything underneath – and we’ll have to close up for days, maybe weeks."

“Maybe it’ll be –“ David suggested.

“It’s not covered by insurance and when you signed the lease, you accepted liability for all major repairs to the building.”

“I did?” David felt guilty for not actually reading the entire lease, not that it would have occurred to him to bring that part about major repairs up.

Defeated, Patrick sighed. He took a few pieces of toilet guts (ew!) in his hands and started replacing them in the tank. David watched, not having anything helpful to offer but still wanting to be supportive of his fiancé.

When all of the pieces were in place, Patrick flushed to test it. He held out hope that taking it apart and putting it back together again would somehow do the trick. To their joint dismay, the water was still continuing to run long after it ought to have stopped. He washed his hands and seemed to be flipping through the How-to files in his memory, searching for the solution. He was still contemplating while he quickly mopped the water up from the floor. Finally he looked at himself in the mirror and spoke to David through his reflection.

“I’m going to go home and shower. I feel gross and sort of emasculated,” he offered a weak smile and turned towards him.

“Ok. I’ll see you when you get back,” David replied. He flinched a little bit when Patrick leaned in to kiss him goodbye. Patrick looked sort of hurt but he lightly glanced his lips against David’s cheek anyway.

Rainy days were always slow and with Patrick gone, David quickly got bored.

He restocked. He swept up. He watered the potted herbs. He checked and re-checked that all the labels were facing the right way.

One customer came in and bought an umbrella and a lip balm.

“May I use your washroom?” He asked.

“Oh, sure.” David pointed toward the back of the store. 

The customer approached David before he left. 

“I tried jiggling the handle but your toilet is running a lot. Did you know?”

“Yeah, we’re having a plumbing issue,” David replied. 

“You should get somebody in here sooner rather than later. That water bill is gonna…” He spread his hands apart, indicating something really big.

“Thanks. We’re going to look into it.”

Even with the radio on, the sound of the toilet running seemed to get louder the longer he sat on the countertop, simultaneously watching the clock and the door. All hope of Patrick returning to break up the monotony evaporated when David received a text from him about 45 minutes after he’d left.

**I’m laying down. Stress headache.**

David frowned at his phone and asked Patrick if he could do anything for him but he received no reply. He retreated to the back room and sat in front of Patrick’s work laptop, hoping to pass some time surfing the net until he realized that he needed to pee.

Sighing, he trekked across the store to the washroom. When he was about halfway there, he realized the sound of water had stopped. He relieved his bladder and washed his hands. He had started dialing Patrick’s number when he noticed the return of the sound. The damned toilet was running again.

David stood over the commode, glaring daggers at it.

This stupid lump of malfunctioning porcelain had given Patrick a headache and David wanted revenge. 

“Ok, you fuck,” David said out loud, addressing the toilet directly.

He locked the front door and pulled his Dries van Noten sweater over his head. He folded it reverently and left it next to the cash, feeling determined and very much relieved that he didn’t care too much about the jeans he was wearing.

Still, before he did anything, David put a white towel on the floor so he didn’t have to sit directly on the tile. Not knowing where else to begin, he opened Youtube and searched 'Running toilet."

The less than helpful top results were videos of kids making stupid prank phone calls that all went along the same lines:

“Is your toilet running? Well you’d better _go catch it!”_

David growled at the screen, wishing he could get those precious seconds added back onto his life and revised his search terms: 

'Running toilet fix DIY'

The first video was way too long, too wordy. The narrator went into far too much unnecessary detail.

“Hey guys, in this video I’m going to teach you how to fix a running toilet and I’m gonna do it right now!”

The bald man with a greying goatee proceeded to list off his credentials and David got impatient.

“I don’t need your fucking curriculum fucking vitae – just tell me what the fuck to do!” he snarled at the screen. Clearly, he was much more liberal with his swearing than Patrick was. He turned the video off entirely when the plumbing puns began.

“If you let the problem go for too long, be prepared to watch your hard-earned money go down the drain!”

He swiped his finger upwards, scanning the list of results for a shorter video option. To his relief, he found one and it was actually quite helpful.

“Ok, I know plumbing is a dirty job but it can also be really expensive to call in an expert. So today, I’m going to show you the most common causes for a toilet that just won’t stop running and I’ll teach you how to fix them.”

David paused the video, folded his legs underneath him, rolled his shoulders and shook out his hands, hoping he’d have the tactile ability and the stomach to do what needed to be done. He pulled on two pairs of thick rubber gloves and pressed ‘play’ with the tip of his nose.

The video narrator went slowly enough that David didn’t have to keep pausing and rewinding the video. He got up on his knees and removed the top of the tank and looked inside.

“One of the most common problems that will make your toilet run continually is a loose fill valve…”

David cringed and stuck his hand into the tank, feeling around with his fingertips. Everything seemed to be tight and in order. A worrisome feeling in his stomach told him Patrick might be right, they were going to have to tear up the washroom floor and replace the pipes. That also meant calling in a contractor, someone other than Ronnie, to retile afterwards. He was still feeling around when he came across something that felt curious. There was a piece that pulled away from whatever it was attached to, it felt worn and rubbery.

“Another very common problem is a cracked flapper valve…” the video informed him. 

David ripped the gloves off of his dry hand with his teeth and paused the video. He took a closer look at the screen and realized that what he’d felt in the tank was the worn out flapper valve and was in fact the cause of the problem: it wasn’t sealing properly and therefore, excess water continued to flow from the tank.

David pumped his fist and removed his other gloves. He washed his hands twice and pulled his sweater back on before running out to the hardware store for supplies.

“Come on…come on…” David was kneeling in front of the toilet, biting his lip in concentration. He secured the final piece of the replacement flapper valve and flushed. The exact right amount of water passed through the system and it stopped running.

David smiled, proud of himself. The applause coming from behind him made him jump and whirl around. Patrick was leaning against the washroom doorjamb with a smirk on his face, clapping his hands slowly.

“Hi,” David said shyly.

“Impressive, David. Very impressive,” he nodded.

“Don’t get too used to it,” He smirked. “I only did it because you got frustrated and I don’t like seeing you like that. How’s your head?” David asked, still keeping his voice down.

“Better, thank you. I took a power nap.”

“I’m glad.” David stood up and was instantly keenly aware of how dirty he was. He’d spent a lot of time on his knees but never in this context. He pulled the gloves off and dumped them in the trash can. 

“I would have figured it out,” Patrick wrapped his arms around David’s waist as if he could not care less about the state of him. 

“I know you would have,” David smiled. He leaned back when Patrick tried to kiss him but Patrick was forceful. He kissed him deeply, pushing David’s lips apart with his tongue.

“I’m all disgusting and plumber-y,” David said when Patrick shifted his attention to the skin of David’s neck, salty with sweat.

“You look hot to me, David,” Patrick whispered in his ear. He didn’t expect this to be a turn on. He never expected to find David willingly engaging in any DIY repairs, let alone in the arguably filthiest area. 

“Patrick, come on, I’m gross…” David felt himself flush as Patrick continued to kiss both sides of his neck and his jaw. Patrick laughed a deep-throated laugh when he heard David’s sharp intake of breath after he tweaked his erect nipples through his shirt. 

“I came back to take my future husband to dinner but all of a sudden, I’m not hungry anymore,” he wiggled his eyebrows. 

“That’s a shame because I am very hungry,” David grinned at him. “Let’s go home. I’m going to shower while you order takeout, then you can have your way with me, deal?”

Patrick narrowed his eyes and looked up at the ceiling as if he were taking ample time to consider David’s suggestion. After a paused that was long enough to make David laugh indignantly, he spoke.

“Deal.”

David scrubbed his skin raw under hot water when he showered, wanting to scrub off all of the time he’d spent on the washroom floor. Patrick knocked on the door and opened it a crack.

“Food’s here, handsome,” he called out cheerfully.

“Ooh!” David let the sound escape his lips before he could stop it. He finished with the brush he used to clean underneath his fingernails, then dried off and stepped into clean boxer briefs. He wrapped himself in a robe while he massaged his facial moisturizer into his skin and worked some product into his hair quickly. 

He entered the kitchen and Patrick had laid out a spread at the table, complete with a tablecloth, candles and flowers.

“Did you know that Postmates will deliver bouquets of flowers? I just made this discovery,” he smiled and flicked his wrist, snuffing out a match he’d used to light the fresh linen-scented pillar candles.

They made polite conversation while they ate, sitting across from each other. David caught Patrick staring at him several times when he looked up from his plate. The anticipation was building, it was just as delicious as what Patrick had ordered for their dinner. 

David bit down on his chopsticks when he felt Patrick’s toes trace up his bare leg under the table. Patrick snickered and licked his lower lip, never taking his eyes from David’s face. He ran his foot up against David’s inner thigh and watch him swallow and squeeze his eyes shut.

“I’m full. How about you?” Patrick said flirtatiously. He chuckled when David nodded vigorously.

David leapt up from his seat and rushed to Patrick’s side so quickly, Patrick hadn’t gotten to his feet yet.

They crushed their mouths together, each man alternating sucking on the other’s tongue. They hummed their mutual satisfaction and Patrick got the belt of David’s robe untied. He pushed the robe to the floor and with a series of rapid, unexpected movements, he grabbed David’s ass and lifted him up onto the table. 

David groaned and tilted his head back, giving Patrick access to his bare chest. He gasped and whined when Patrick bit down on each of his nipples and sucked them until the sting of his teeth faded. 

“Fuck, I want you so fucking bad,” Patrick growled and forced his hand down the front of David’s boxers.

“Oh my _god,_ it’s so hot when you curse,” David dug his nails into Patrick’s shoulder.

Patrick cocked an eyebrow. “Yeah? You like hearing how hard I’m gonna fuck you, David?”

David’s eyes closed and he shivered against Patrick’s body. He couldn’t make a single sound but he nodded. Patrick grabbed at the waistband of David’s boxers and tugged them past his ass roughly. A few drips of pre-cum were flung from the tip of his cock when it popped free of the fabric. 

Patrick pushed himself between David’s thighs and they kissed each other at a fever pitch. Patrick jerked David’s cock while David started to get him undressed. It wasn’t easy to concentrate and Patrick’s shirt felt like it had more buttons than usual but whenever David started to get distracted by Patrick’s touch, Patrick would either stop altogether, or he’d nip at David’s lower lip to bring him back to task.

Their foreheads were pressed together and their heavy breathing synced up while Patrick continued jerking David off. 

“Don’t you dare cum in my hand, I want it in my mouth. Let me know, ok?” The vicious tone of the first part of what Patrick said was contrasted very sweetly by the last part. All that was missing was a ‘pretty please’. He eyes were practically glowing, the love that emanated from his greenish-brown irises made David feel fuzzy, and weak in the knees.

David nodded and squeezed his ass cheeks together, trying to gain some kind of control of his body. Patrick’s strong hand felt so good, it would almost be a shame to climax at all. 

It got to a point that David simply could not fend it off one more second. He threw his head back and moaned so loud the light fixture above the table seemed to shake because of it.

“Pah- Patrick – I’m…gonna…ugh…” his chest was heaving and his voice was a high-pitched breathy moan.

“Fuck,” Patrick said. 

He dropped to his knees, took hold of David’s hips and started bobbing his head, sucking and licking until David sputtered unintelligibly and he came down Patrick’s throat, his fingers threaded in his hair. 

Vibrations shot up and down David’s shaft and his body twitched while Patrick took every drop he had in him. David’s hips jerked up off the table when Patrick let him slip out of his mouth. Patrick stood up and watched David struggle to catch his breath. It made his cock even harder to see David so completely wrecked.

“Take me to bed. Take me now,” David gulped in air, choking on it. Patrick kissed him and felt David’s ankles lock behind his back. He bent his knees a little and pulled David up off the table, proceeding to carry him over to their bed.

With anyone else, being carried would have made David feel overly vulnerable, especially because of their height difference. He knew he had a few pounds on his fiancé but Patrick lifted him so confidently and so easily, it never occurred to David to let that bother him.

David yelped when Patrick dropped him onto their bed. The squeaky noise made them both giggle and Patrick crawled up on top of him, their legs slotted together. They kissed and giggled some more.

After all the time they’d been together, it was still fun; still exciting. They knew each other’s likes and dislikes, all of each other’s foibles. David systematically memorized all of Patrick’s hot spots; the ones that made him get loud and the ones that made his voice a low rumble in his chest. He had let go of the worried feeling that usually lodged in the back of his mind that Patrick would tire of him and want to seek greener pastures.

To Patrick, David was the greenest pasture.

“I want to be on top,” David said, tugging Patrick closer.

“Far be it from me to deny you,” Patrick grinned and rolled to his back. 

David dug into his nightstand, feeling around for one of the lubricants they’d started stocking in the store for Valentine’s Day. They’d had a lot of fun trying out a bunch of samples before finally curating a select few based on very specific criteria. Lube wasn’t a one-size-fits all situation and David made sure they had a bit of variety. 

“A little something-something for everybody,“ he’d said.

The one they used most often at home was organic, glycerin and paraben-free and chock full of healthy botanical extracts. The way it made Patrick’s cock tingle when he slicked himself up with it sealed the deal. 

David tossed the bottle to Patrick underhanded. He caught it and put it down on the mattress just over his left shoulder. Patrick laced his fingers behind his head and watched David yank his pants off. He pushed his own boxers past his hips and David dragged them down and off his legs.

As much as he wanted to get right down to it, David couldn’t resist the urge to feel the ache in his jaw that always reminded him that he belonged to Patrick and that made him the luckiest man walking the planet. 

“Oh god...oh my _fucking...god...”_ Patrick rolled his hips and grabbed a handful of David’s hair. 

“Mmm…” David’s moan of approval made Patrick smile and arch his back.

“Get up here before I fucking nut, David.”

David raised his eyes and saw the desire on Patrick’s face. He slowly eased back, letting Patrick slip out of his mouth. He licked his way up Patrick’s stomach, between his pecs, to his collarbone to his mouth.  
Patrick found the lube and applied a liberal amount with his fist. He held his cock and watched David’s face as he slid down on him. 

“So good David...fuck. That tight ass is all mine... fuck..." Patrick grunted. 

David’s legs shook while he acclimated to the stretch. His thighs burned and they wove their fingers together. 

"Feel good, David? My cock stretching your ass?"

“Fuck,” David started to pant. He rocked up and down on top of him while Patrick snapped his hips up to meet him. 

His red face, rhythmic grunting and freely flowing f-bombs told David when Patrick was on the brink. 

“God, David, yes! That's so good, fuck!”

David felt Patrick cum and he rolled his pelvis in a counterclockwise circle until his breathing normalized.

“Come here. I want to hold you right now,” Patrick’s voice trembled slightly as he gave the command and his face took on a beautiful post-orgasm glow. David sucked air between his teeth as he flopped down next to him.

“Guess I need a toolbelt after today, huh?” David asked, kissing Patrick’s eyelids.

“Why do you say that?” Patrick tucked one bent arm under his head and chuckled.

“If this is what’s going to happen whenever I fix things, I’m gonna need tools.”

“Well, you know, if you really do want to play Mr. Fix-It I can give you a list of projects around the store that need to get done,” Patrick raised an eyebrow.

“Mm, pass,” David replied cuddling into Patrick’s chest. “Still feeling emasculated?”

“Nope. Cured.”

“Glad to hear it. Is it time for dessert yet?” David nuzzled his cheek and kissed the skin behind his earlobe.

“I thought we just -" 

“Ice cream. I meant ice cream.”

“You've done enough for one day, I’ll get it,” Patrick kissed him and David soon thereafter got to see two of his favorite sights in quick succession: naked Patrick and a bowl of ice cream for two with one spoon.


End file.
